I recently got engaged to my lovely fiancé. (Still getting used to calling him that.) People in our close circles seem to have the same reaction — finally. Me too, friends. Me too.

As the bulk of my day job involves project management, going into wedding organising mode came naturally to me. I am suddenly plunged into the world of venues, photographers, dresses, Pinterest boards, oh me oh my. My Facebook and Instagram ads picked up on it very quickly, and creepy as it sounds, it does help a little…

But the more I prepare for the wedding day and get excited (and lost) in the little details, the more the reality of marriage is sinking in.

I’m getting married. That is a really big life change.

When my fiancé and I started dating, we were upfront early on about our intention to someday marry. That’s always been on our minds throughout the relationship. But now that we are engaged, it feels like an entirely different ball game. Marriage is not a ‘someday’ thing anymore — the date has been set. Talking about things we want to do ‘once we’re married’ seems more normal now, and is something we have to talk about. The fairy tale dream I had in the back of my mind is now slowly unfolding into a different, but just as beautiful, reality.

Being engaged has struck a different chord psychologically. They say you’ll see ten times more of a person’s characteristics when you marry them — whether those are good or bad. Marriage is the closest relationship you will ever have in your life, and wrapping my head around this has forced me to reckon with and really focus on fighting my demons — unhealthy mindsets and behaviours that I’ve acquired growing up — some of which I wasn’t even aware of until now. There is nowhere to run or hide. It’s hugely confronting. I’ve never dealt with anything quite like this before.

I very much dislike how the world has led me to believe that marriage is easy, or that it is the solution to my emotional and psychological problems. Yes, marriage is solace and sanctuary, but it is also a place of refinement like no other. Nowhere else do you live with a person in such close proximity, where all parts of yourself are aired out for them to see, and still, there is love and forgiveness. That takes hard work. Yes, romance is cute and all, but at the end of the day, it is a conscious choice to love someone despite all their imperfections, and still choose to be with them even when it’s the last thing you want to do. For better or for worse, you know how it goes…

Feature image by Erika Wong